上海有趣的地方永远在于错杂。南京西路一定是无聊的，所有的大城市都有如此相似的面目，但是在商铺门口也永远会有铺块濡湿的蓝印花布卖白兰花的阿婆，再往前走几步，也有王家沙门口排队买糕点的队伍。拐个弯，便走进了静安别墅，原住民们依然生活在这里，弄堂里有付费的饮水机，二楼通常悬挂着晾晒出来的内衣，有卖盒饭和小馄饨的摊，一楼的很多门面则被开设成了咖啡馆，画廊和小酒吧。牛仔品牌Lee发起的“全城由你”活动，希望大家推荐上海的潮地，我便想到了静安别墅里的2666图书馆。

        2666图书馆是几个爱文艺的年轻人开的。这儿的环境相对密闭，如果铁门不打开的话，很难找到。可以在这里办图书卡，没有电子的录入系统，方式非常老旧和朴素。所以每次借完书以后，都需要在本子上登记。唤起的是我们消失很久的图书馆情结。

        老板们的阅读选择非常好，在这里可以看到他们自己最喜欢的外国作家原版小说，常常也是他们从各地搜罗来的。我第一次去借书的时候，店员推荐给我她自己从家里带来的书，名不见经传的小书，带着在飞机上看了一路。

        工作日的下午客人很少，叫木草草的店员很萌，夏天带栀子花送给她她大概会蛮高兴的。晚上9点钟时会把铁门关闭，但是其实里面要开到10点。周末也会放电影，但是其实我对电影什么的不感兴趣。不过好看的书确实很多，待那儿就能待一整个下午。这段时间上海书展期间，各路大牌作家几乎都去那里晃荡过。

       “潮”对我来说，意味着不管外面发生着什么，都明确知道自己想要的东西是什么。这倒真的不是什么容易做到的事情。上海繁杂，城市里总有各种各样的生存形态，找到自己想要的那种要看运气，有的人终其都跟在其他人的屁股后面，算是倒霉。

        不过怎么说呢，光芒这种东西或许也是与生俱来，若身上没有光芒，若城市没有光芒，外在的一切形式都是空气吧，就像Lee对时尚的态度，要真实，要激情，要毫不做作。

今天把车在路边停了会儿，坐在里面睡着了，一个小时，始终在做梦

从豆瓣上找到sweetii的书评，并且在过去两期里曾经向她约稿，与她的交流一直很少，仅限于豆邮里三言两语的往来。后来与朋友聊天时说起她，朋友说她北大的女诗人。但是尽管知道她是北大的女诗人，尽管依然喜欢她的文章，我们还是没有多说过几句话，每次只还是在豆邮里对她说：没有关系的，照你喜欢写的写就好了。

我一生的愿望其实是做一个游吟诗人

文/Sweetii

　　 我小时候在一个子弟校上学。所谓子弟校，是从小学一年级一直到高三都有的。那时候，我悄悄喜欢一个比我大三岁的男生。其实说起来喜欢，也是很模糊的一种好感。但那个男生的眉毛浓密，睫毛细长，实在是很值得喜欢的，更何况他还会笑。我相信喜欢这种情绪是可传染的，比如说我走过操场，会发现他在教室走廊上看着我。有一天，学校贴了通知说要开一个现代舞班，欢迎同学报名。我当然会参加这个班，在通知前面，大家也都知道我要参加这个班。这时这个男生走来，流里流气地，看着通知说：“哇，现代舞……摇滚……听说过没见过两万五千里……”他唱着歌走了，走时还回头笑看我一眼。

　　 他唱的歌我知道，在《抒情歌曲》上有这首歌，是崔健的《新长征路上的摇滚》。后来我也听崔健，是《红旗下的蛋》。上课我和同学打扑克赌博，赌一盘是一毛钱，可是同学竟然会一天之内输十块钱给我，他于是拿磁带来抵债。我记得老崔在歌里骂街“我去你妈的……我去你妈的。”但其实我是个好孩子。初二时才真正听摇滚，那是唐朝，每天放学都飞车回家为看五点一刻电视里播放的《梦回唐朝》。那时候最喜欢的是Aerosmith，因为有铿锵。

     第一个男朋友是摇滚青年。他在学美术，因为喜欢画圣斗士，所以误以为自己可以当画家，我在写诗，因为喜欢词语的堆叠，所以误以为自己可以当诗人。十多年了，第一个男朋友果然在当画家，我也果然在当诗人。这也是很有趣的事情。

　　 那天下午我们的老师说大家去人民公园看菊花，然后回来写采风作文。我们没去，我们出了校门直接去了一家茶馆，打麻将。我记得我要做一副将对，却偏偏做不成，追我的小混混在旁边看牌，我喜欢的未来画家在另一边和人高谈阔论。有一天，他和别的同学问我要不要看Pink Floyd的《The Wall》，我们于是在美术教室看了这张碟。记得有很色情意味的开篇是动画，也有仿纳粹的军事化集体训练场面，总的来说还是符号化。我从来就不喜欢符号化的东西，包括红旗下的蛋。但也有的乐队是毫不符号化的，但我却不知道该归入哪一类。比如说Portishead，加电也不难听。

    又过了些年，我念大学，相交好的同学当然不多女生，我是这个脾气，不会和女生特别好，但也不会和男生打得火热。最要好的一个男生知道我爱听摇滚，于是找到他认为最摇滚的磁带送我，大约是Metallica，但那时我爱的是The doorsPosted by bololo at 02:19:00 | Read more | Comments (21) | Trackback (0) | Edit |

Chapter 10

10．

Actually, today I feel extremely nervous. I am so nervous as if there is a song kept singing in my mind, which name is “I am cranberry”.

I may get a bad memory when I feel nervous. So I am such a mess now, I can’t remember anything.

But I can start from the very beginning if you want to listen. Everything started with a lipstick, I can’t find this extremely amorous lipstick when I get up this morning. I was spacing out and sitting beside the window, using an elastic and fasten my hair then made it a ponytail. I push the only furniture in my home, the bed, here and there. But I still can’t find my extremely amorous lipstick. I folded my arms sit on the windowsill for a long while, recollect a city which is so far away. The dam of that city collapsed and the tide submerged all the people there, thus they live under the water. All the women there have very fast grown hair which is so green and long and spread to the surface of the water then made everything jade green. It’s gorgeous. They also use a kind of lipstick which has extremely amorous colour while their faces remain white like blank paper. It is long ago I had a lover who came from that place. We have had a romantic story which I can’t simply tell you. Yes I can’t let you know because I will stumble like a fool. I will pat your ear impatiently just for in case you fall asleep. The only thing which belongs to that lover and still in my place is his name and that extremely amorous lipstick. But it disappeared this morning. After that the broadcasting started. Then I heard the following news.

  “The landscaping department of the pottery city will bring in the first batch of grass seed tomorrow. The first round of landscaping project will also start from tomorrow and the citizen of the pottery city will be glad to see the long expecting greenness very soon.”

The only greenness I’d like to see is the jade green hair which floating in the tide of that remote city. It’s a kind of greenness full of luxury and bewitchery. Besides that, I abhor any other form of greenness. It will be ideal if there are only the rusted steel pieces and the amorous rose color on my lips also the dust in the air exist in the Pottery city. Damn the phony withering greenness. I feel nervous. I’m afraid when I first step out of the boiler factory I may find that all the factories have been fallen apart and become flat. I will have nothing left; no matter it is banana tree apple tree peach tree pear tree even the tomato tree that blocks my grand boundless view. Next time when you back here, you won’t see me sitting on the stairs of the boiler factory, folding my arm and smoking. Even the color of my pupils will become depressing blackness. I will be so depressed and become a strawberry hanging upside down on one of the trees. How could you find me in this way? Am I so bravery to hold my small knife? Fighting with them alone?

   I took your overcoat and put on my little black high heels in confusion. Without that amorous lipstick my lips became white as blank paper. It’s pity that my hairs appear in neither green nor red, it’s a kind of flaxen like dishcloth. So when I reclined on the bed I will be no difference with a dishcloth. There was a woman in green who follow me when I walk on the street today. I was hanging around on the street and needn’t to go to work. The sun of the Pottery City seems rusted and hung at the end of the boulevard. I was totally in trance and kept walking around in the mud, pull out my heels from the slush. I am a heartbreaking clown who is completely useless. If you have ever caught a glimpse of me like this I can guarantee you won’t talk to me anymore. I was still trailed by that woman in green. I suspect if she is not the first batch of grass seed which just arrived in Pottery City, she must be the one who stole my lipstick. So I felt so nervous and kept looking back. It’s my first time have such feeling that there is an enemy in my life, that is the woman in green who follow me at this very moment. Sometimes she may look back when she ahead of me. I hummed a weird rhythm “I am cranberry I am cranberry I am cranberry”. Countless cranberries filled in my eyes. I zigzagged like a cranberry which is upside down. It’s truly my first time had such feeling that there is an enemy in my life, and she must be the one who stole my lipstick. I began to feel unusual threat. She kept the same pace as mine, whenever I quickened she will do the same. We became two changing shadows on the broad way of Pottery City. Actually I had no idea where I was heading. I constantly out of my mind and kept walking ahead. Even my feet would become flat. Even I could merely hummed “I am cranberry”.

You may say let us kill’em all. Kill all the enemies.

But today I realized there are no friends in Pottery City. There are only Lovers and Enemies walk around here. As for myself, I am just a small nut, rolling back and forth without any difficulty. So I was surrounded my enemies.

I took off my high heels holding in my hand and running on my bare feet. Pottery City will never ever be a place suitable for running-on-bare-feet. Because even the broadest road may suddenly popped up a nail or two. That’s why I seldom run but prefer jumping around at the proper place. I feel like being a flat feet. I feel my feet so uncomfortable while running. But I just want to get rid of the woman in green who tail behind me. I really suspect she stole my lipstick and keep running like hell, toward the rusted sun hanging at the end of the road. The sun will be stored in the warehouse and roll out during the daytime, hanging around with the greasy dirt on his body. He grows old everyday and there is no place for him to take a shower in the warehouse. Eventually he becomes so dirty as the magnificent and grand Pottery City. And now I am running toward to him in a broad way.

  Today I am off, so I run to the end of the broadest way of the city to watch the fun. Everybody wants to see the first batch of grass seeds arrive in Pottery City today. I am late for going with them because I wasted my time on finding an amorous lipstick. Besides I am wearing a small uncomfortable black leather shoe. Anyway, I want to go there and stand among the first row, watching fun.

I am rolling and jostling my way through my dearest enemies. I want to see what the hell the grass seeds look like. They are banana tree apple tree peach tree pear tree even tomato tree, all just trunks with few leaves on and muddy roots. When each truck loaded with seeds pass us, my dearest enemies may burst out a shout of hurrah which shake the dusts in the air keep falling down. I begin to sneeze. It has been long time I haven’t watch something fun. So today I am really eager to join the crowd. Jostling back and forth with joy. Later on all the trucks parked on a muddy vacant lot, all the people who watch the excitement gradually dispersed. They laugh and leave with a greenish dream, but I am still there, so much as I have no idea when my high heel stick in the mud. I feel like I should grab ten red rubber balloons in my left hand while my right hand has ten yellow one. But my both hands are empty and the only thing they grab is my pocket. I am completely at loss. Finally, drivers of these trucks also leave the place. They shut the door perkily.

Walk together and go for some drinks. It’s closing time, the aftermost sun roll back to a warehouse, it’s god damn dirty there but he just like to hide in it. I like the sun.

 I was on my way home, walking slowly in the broadest street.  When passing Xiao Lanmao’s grocery, I entered and ordered a cup of coffee.  He was fiddling with an ugly china flowerpot.

“What’s this?  Someone will buy your Indian snuff after it puts on a more ugly covering?  You are just kidding!”  Coffee in Xiao Lanmao’s is always cold with plenty of coffee beans residue, but really charming just like cigarettes.

“No, I won’t use it to store snuff.  I will use it to plant a tree.”  Xiao Lanmao faced upward, taking for granted that he would plant a tree even taller than a lighthouse.

“It’s better for you to plant chips in your ears.  Crispy!”

“No.  I will plant a plantain tree.  Only my grandpa has seen this kind of tree.  It’s even more aged than dinosaurs.”

I was trembling all around, trembling.  I saw the charming and outrageous lighthouse suddenly became a presumptuous plantain tree, guffawing.  Xiao Lanmao clapped and said, “trembling!”

“Enemies are everywhere,” I told Xiao Lanmao fiercely.

“Am I?  Don’t you know me?  I am Xiao Lanmao.”  He stared with tired eyes, black eye sockets sunken just as shedding tears.

“You are the biggest, biggest idiot!”

When I was watching the special scene, I laid a curse upon the seeds.  The curse was supposed to be that make you all become damned little strawberries, hanging upside down in the air until you all become strawberry jam, rotting away in the bloody, dense redness in the sky of the pottery city.  I swear!
   

其实都在努力，但是没有能够让时间慢下来，没有能够让事情对起来，也没有让生活变得更像是生活，最近写长篇时难免想起很多小小的，小小的细节，所以就突然自己被自己打倒在地，所有可以直接讲述的事情，在这些小小细节前都显得不堪一击，然后大概是因为天冷人瘦，每到晚上12点就准时发抖，今天冰箱里的东西真的吃到只剩下半颗娃娃菜，书桌周围依然保持着整洁，但卧室已经走不进脚去，等等只盼望洗完热水澡一脚踩进被子和衣服里，自己知道每天开始悲观的时间在不断提前，所以要感谢古代人，磨墨写字的时候是平静的，也感到背后有时间在涌动，还有不断倒上来的热茶，还有交谈，还有一起走小小一段路，如果明天在msn遇到madi，要问问看南瓜腊肠饭是怎么做，我还是没有钱买烤箱，但是我有一个电饭煲了，只需要再去配好一根电源线，那么，虽然我现在非常迷惘，但是我也相信的，爱情是一起成长，blog真的不像微博，字句一多，本性暴露，没法假装欢乐冷静人

在北京度过了将近三年，来的时候也是快要秋天的样子，走的时候则是夏天…之前别人就会一直说帝都好干燥，我就想哪里有嘛，我只感受到暖气的好，还有夏天夜晚的凉，竟然在这三年间从未觉得干燥，但是尽管不干燥，我还是回到了湿润的魔都，然后间隔三个月以后，又短暂地来到了帝都（嗯，听起来好麻烦），然后晴天霹雳一般，我竟然深深感到了干燥，干燥，干燥，竟然发生了夜里因为喉咙干而醒过来这种事情…再最后竟然发生了身体的连锁反应，此刻只想软绵绵栽在沙发里，哪里都不要去，下午出门时，坐在出驱车里环绕在三环上，心里还在想着，这个城市是讨厌我吧！就跟闹鬼的房子会让人身心俱损一样……这……

之后作为沙发土豆就与另外一枚宅土豆聊起了幸福的居家生活，阿，我要回到湿润之都去，好好活，做豆浆做红枣桂圆汤出门走路买菜写字喝茶画图，不过其实啊，一天是多么地短暂，我们这些人尽管不用赶地铁去上班什么的，也不用在黑森森的深秋傍晚挤在高峰人群里喊那些喊也喊不到的插头，但是，一天也依然好短啊，写会字，出门买个菜，做个饭，人懒散一下，看个书，看个美剧，就过去了，不宅之人真是不能理解为什么宅人每天看似无所事事，其实时间很紧很紧………

另外写到这儿很想能够@一下谁就好了

多写博客，少写微薄，世界的节奏不应该是那么快的

我发神经病了，天都亮了，我还在翻看老里八早的blog，看到这篇，我终于笑了！

八个没有脚的人 - []

我有很久没有坐在电脑前，打字，打着打着，打到天亮了，原来整个晚上，窗外面的桥上都有人在走路，骑车，路灯一直都亮着，我一会儿就到窗口站一下，对过中远两弯城彻夜都有零星的窗户亮着灯，大部分的时间都在微博，其实刷新刷得自己都快要吐了，但是在那边打下的字都是很快就要忘记的，这会儿我想起好久好久以前，sw在采访时，看到打开的电脑页面是小女超人瞌睡永不醒，后来sw说这事说了很久的，那时候的blog是一种小小的支柱吧，多小多小的那种，后来blogcn常常打不开了，就换到这儿，写下的字都是很哀怨很哀怨的，哀怨的结果是顺便写下很多哀怨到朋友们都不敢看的小说，也写下了那个居然有很多人觉得有共鸣的关于一个人住的文章，再后来，我回到上海了，重新住回到了河的旁边，地板上铺了三四年前买的地毯，刚刚把冰箱里最后五个水饺下掉了，明天就是国庆节了，没错，空气里所有的味道，都在提醒着我，所以的记忆都没有失去，国庆节照例是要交通管制的，而桂花每个秋天都会开一开的，但是我终于也有了一些后悔的事情，这儿荒废很久了，我希望少点人会再来看这里，因为我看起来，竟然持久地变成了一个纠结人，真的很持久，我的太阳星座，月亮星座和上升星座，终于碰撞出了痛苦的火花，所以写写字吧，平静这件事情，不可能再长久地存在，但是在短暂的时刻里，会发生的

依然头很大脚很小啊，心里呢，依然充满无法表达无法分辨的爱啊，在这个晚上就那么那么地明显

没错，我又在写长篇了，这段时间我寝食难安地抵御着焦虑，然后终于开始了，我想她会是好的，很好的，因为我想所有的迷惘都会被新的迷惘所取代

画到这个程度再也画不动的画，画铁轨的时候心里一直在骂人，但是画图比起写字来还是有好处的，就是与语言系统用的大脑仿佛是两半，所以画的时候，可以想很多其他事情，也可以与人说话聊天，听音乐都毫无影响，这样说来，接下来的这半个月开始，都要关起门来闷头写字了。