钻石天空下的小螺丝


既然已经没有人来这儿了,我打算偷偷回来 - []
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晚上突然想起那个叫假开心的博客,那会儿我在北京,F在美国,我们在这个博客上记录每天做的菜。

现在已经过去足足有四年了吧。我和F早就已经回到了上海,而且我们竟然住在了一起。

当我们住在一起以后,我依然在做饭,而她…再也没有做过饭!


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梦中人儿 - []
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今天把车在路边停了会儿,坐在里面睡着了,一个小时,始终在做梦

 


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她一生的愿望其实是做一个游吟诗人 - []
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从豆瓣上找到sweetii的书评,并且在过去两期里曾经向她约稿,与她的交流一直很少,仅限于豆邮里三言两语的往来。后来与朋友聊天时说起她,朋友说她北大的女诗人。但是尽管知道她是北大的女诗人,尽管依然喜欢她的文章,我们还是没有多说过几句话,每次只还是在豆邮里对她说:没有关系的,照你喜欢写的写就好了。

我一生的愿望其实是做一个游吟诗人

文/Sweetii

  

   我小候在一个子弟校上学。所子弟校是从小学一年一直到高三都有的。那我悄悄喜一个比我大三的男生。其起来喜也是很模糊的一种好感。但那个男生的眉毛睫毛在是很得喜更何况他会笑。我相信喜欢这种情是可染的比如我走他在教室走廊上看着我。有一天学校了通知要开一个代舞班迎同学名。我当然会参加个班在通知前面大家也都知道我要参加个班。这时这个男生走来流里流气地看着通知代舞…………见过两万五千里……”他唱着歌走了时还笑看我一眼。

   他唱的歌我知道在《抒情歌曲》上有首歌是崔健的《新征路上的滚》。后来我也听崔健是《旗下的蛋》。上我和同学打扑克是一毛可是同学竟然会一天之内钱给他于是拿磁来抵。我得老崔在歌里我去你……我去你的。但其我是个好孩子。初二才真正听那是唐朝每天放学都飞车回家看五点一刻电视里播放的《梦回唐朝》。那候最喜的是Aerosmith铿锵

  

     第一个男朋友是滚青年。他在学美画圣斗士所以自己可以当画家我在写词语的堆叠所以自己可以当人。十多年了第一个男朋友果然在当画家我也果然在当人。也是很有趣的事情。

   那天下午我的老大家去人民公园看菊花然后回来写采作文。我没去出了校门直接去了一家茶打麻将。我得我要做一副将却偏偏做不成追我的小混混在旁看牌我喜的未来画家在另一和人高谈阔论。有一天他和别的同学我要不要看Pink Floyd的《The Wall》于是在美教室看了碟。得有很色情意味的开篇是也有仿粹的事化集体训练场的来是符号化。我从来就不喜符号化的西包括旗下的蛋。但也有的乐队是毫不符号化的但我却不知道入哪一类。比如Portishead,加也不听。

  

    了些年我念大学相交好的同学当然不多女生我是个脾气不会和女生特别好但也不会和男生打得火。最要好的一个男生知道我于是找到他认为滚的磁送我Metallica但那的是The doorsPosted by at 02:19:00 | Read more | Comments (5) | Trackback (0) | Edit |


好多年前,阿土伯帮我翻译了一个章节的《陶城里的武士四四》 - []
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Chapter 10

 

10

Actually, today I feel extremely nervous. I am so nervous as if there is a song kept singing in my mind, which name is I am cranberry.

I may get a bad memory when I feel nervous. So I am such a mess now, I cant remember anything.

But I can start from the very beginning if you want to listen. Everything started with a lipstick, I cant find this extremely amorous lipstick when I get up this morning. I was spacing out and sitting beside the window, using an elastic and fasten my hair then made it a ponytail. I push the only furniture in my home, the bed, here and there. But I still cant find my extremely amorous lipstick. I folded my arms sit on the windowsill for a long while, recollect a city which is so far away. The dam of that city collapsed and the tide submerged all the people there, thus they live under the water. All the women there have very fast grown hair which is so green and long and spread to the surface of the water then made everything jade green. Its gorgeous. They also use a kind of lipstick which has extremely amorous colour while their faces remain white like blank paper. It is long ago I had a lover who came from that place. We have had a romantic story which I cant simply tell you. Yes I cant let you know because I will stumble like a fool. I will pat your ear impatiently just for in case you fall asleep. The only thing which belongs to that lover and still in my place is his name and that extremely amorous lipstick. But it disappeared this morning. After that the broadcasting started. Then I heard the following news.

 

  “The landscaping department of the pottery city will bring in the first batch of grass seed tomorrow. The first round of landscaping project will also start from tomorrow and the citizen of the pottery city will be glad to see the long expecting greenness very soon.”

 

The only greenness I’d like to see is the jade green hair which floating in the tide of that remote city. It’s a kind of greenness full of luxury and bewitchery. Besides that, I abhor any other form of greenness. It will be ideal if there are only the rusted steel pieces and the amorous rose color on my lips also the dust in the air exist in the Pottery city. Damn the phony withering greenness. I feel nervous. I’m afraid when I first step out of the boiler factory I may find that all the factories have been fallen apart and become flat. I will have nothing left; no matter it is banana tree apple tree peach tree pear tree even the tomato tree that blocks my grand boundless view. Next time when you back here, you won’t see me sitting on the stairs of the boiler factory, folding my arm and smoking. Even the color of my pupils will become depressing blackness. I will be so depressed and become a strawberry hanging upside down on one of the trees. How could you find me in this way? Am I so bravery to hold my small knife? Fighting with them alone?

   I took your overcoat and put on my little black high heels in confusion. Without that amorous lipstick my lips became white as blank paper. It’s pity that my hairs appear in neither green nor red, it’s a kind of flaxen like dishcloth. So when I reclined on the bed I will be no difference with a dishcloth. There was a woman in green who follow me when I walk on the street today. I was hanging around on the street and needn’t to go to work. The sun of the Pottery City seems rusted and hung at the end of the boulevard. I was totally in trance and kept walking around in the mud, pull out my heels from the slush. I am a heartbreaking clown who is completely useless. If you have ever caught a glimpse of me like this I can guarantee you won’t talk to me anymore. I was still trailed by that woman in green. I suspect if she is not the first batch of grass seed which just arrived in Pottery City, she must be the one who stole my lipstick. So I felt so nervous and kept looking back. It’s my first time have such feeling that there is an enemy in my life, that is the woman in green who follow me at this very moment. Sometimes she may look back when she ahead of me. I hummed a weird rhythm “I am cranberry I am cranberry I am cranberry”. Countless cranberries filled in my eyes. I zigzagged like a cranberry which is upside down. It’s truly my first time had such feeling that there is an enemy in my life, and she must be the one who stole my lipstick. I began to feel unusual threat. She kept the same pace as mine, whenever I quickened she will do the same. We became two changing shadows on the broad way of Pottery City. Actually I had no idea where I was heading. I constantly out of my mind and kept walking ahead. Even my feet would become flat. Even I could merely hummed “I am cranberry”.

 

You may say let us kill’em all. Kill all the enemies.

 

But today I realized there are no friends in Pottery City. There are only Lovers and Enemies walk around here. As for myself, I am just a small nut, rolling back and forth without any difficulty. So I was surrounded my enemies.

 

I took off my high heels holding in my hand and running on my bare feet. Pottery City will never ever be a place suitable for running-on-bare-feet. Because even the broadest road may suddenly popped up a nail or two. That’s why I seldom run but prefer jumping around at the proper place. I feel like being a flat feet. I feel my feet so uncomfortable while running. But I just want to get rid of the woman in green who tail behind me. I really suspect she stole my lipstick and keep running like hell, toward the rusted sun hanging at the end of the road. The sun will be stored in the warehouse and roll out during the daytime, hanging around with the greasy dirt on his body. He grows old everyday and there is no place for him to take a shower in the warehouse. Eventually he becomes so dirty as the magnificent and grand Pottery City. And now I am running toward to him in a broad way.


  Today I am off, so I run to the end of the broadest way of the city to watch the fun. Everybody wants to see the first batch of grass seeds arrive in Pottery City today. I am late for going with them because I wasted my time on finding an amorous lipstick. Besides I am wearing a small uncomfortable black leather shoe. Anyway, I want to go there and stand among the first row, watching fun.

I am rolling and jostling my way through my dearest enemies. I want to see what the hell the grass seeds look like. They are banana tree apple tree peach tree pear tree even tomato tree, all just trunks with few leaves on and muddy roots. When each truck loaded with seeds pass us, my dearest enemies may burst out a shout of hurrah which shake the dusts in the air keep falling down. I begin to sneeze. It has been long time I haven’t watch something fun. So today I am really eager to join the crowd. Jostling back and forth with joy. Later on all the trucks parked on a muddy vacant lot, all the people who watch the excitement gradually dispersed. They laugh and leave with a greenish dream, but I am still there, so much as I have no idea when my high heel stick in the mud. I feel like I should grab ten red rubber balloons in my left hand while my right hand has ten yellow one. But my both hands are empty and the only thing they grab is my pocket. I am completely at loss. Finally, drivers of these trucks also leave the place. They shut the door perkily.

Walk together and go for some drinks. It’s closing time, the aftermost sun roll back to a warehouse, it’s god damn dirty there but he just like to hide in it. I like the sun.


 I was on my way home, walking slowly in the broadest street.  When passing Xiao Lanmao’s grocery, I entered and ordered a cup of coffee.  He was fiddling with an ugly china flowerpot.

What’s this?  Someone will buy your Indian snuff after it puts on a more ugly covering?  You are just kidding!”  Coffee in Xiao Lanmao’s is always cold with plenty of coffee beans residue, but really charming just like cigarettes.

No, I won’t use it to store snuff.  I will use it to plant a tree.”  Xiao Lanmao faced upward, taking for granted that he would plant a tree even taller than a lighthouse.

It’s better for you to plant chips in your ears.  Crispy!”

No.  I will plant a plantain tree.  Only my grandpa has seen this kind of tree.  It’s even more aged than dinosaurs.”

I was trembling all around, trembling.  I saw the charming and outrageous lighthouse suddenly became a presumptuous plantain tree, guffawing.  Xiao Lanmao clapped and said, “trembling!”

Enemies are everywhere,” I told Xiao Lanmao fiercely.

Am I?  Don’t you know me?  I am Xiao Lanmao.”  He stared with tired eyes, black eye sockets sunken just as shedding tears.

You are the biggest, biggest idiot!”

When I was watching the special scene, I laid a curse upon the seeds.  The curse was supposed to be that make you all become damned little strawberries, hanging upside down in the air until you all become strawberry jam, rotting away in the bloody, dense redness in the sky of the pottery city.  I swear!
   


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i'm trying - []
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其实都在努力,但是没有能够让时间慢下来,没有能够让事情对起来,也没有让生活变得更像是生活,最近写长篇时难免想起很多小小的,小小的细节,所以就突然自己被自己打倒在地,所有可以直接讲述的事情,在这些小小细节前都显得不堪一击,然后大概是因为天冷人瘦,每到晚上12点就准时发抖,今天冰箱里的东西真的吃到只剩下半颗娃娃菜,书桌周围依然保持着整洁,但卧室已经走不进脚去,等等只盼望洗完热水澡一脚踩进被子和衣服里,自己知道每天开始悲观的时间在不断提前,所以要感谢古代人,磨墨写字的时候是平静的,也感到背后有时间在涌动,还有不断倒上来的热茶,还有交谈,还有一起走小小一段路,如果明天在msn遇到madi,要问问看南瓜腊肠饭是怎么做,我还是没有钱买烤箱,但是我有一个电饭煲了,只需要再去配好一根电源线,那么,虽然我现在非常迷惘,但是我也相信的,爱情是一起成长,blog真的不像微博,字句一多,本性暴露,没法假装欢乐冷静人

 


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身体相斥 - []
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在北京度过了将近三年,来的时候也是快要秋天的样子,走的时候则是夏天…之前别人就会一直说帝都好干燥,我就想哪里有嘛,我只感受到暖气的好,还有夏天夜晚的凉,竟然在这三年间从未觉得干燥,但是尽管不干燥,我还是回到了湿润的魔都,然后间隔三个月以后,又短暂地来到了帝都(嗯,听起来好麻烦),然后晴天霹雳一般,我竟然深深感到了干燥,干燥,干燥,竟然发生了夜里因为喉咙干而醒过来这种事情…再最后竟然发生了身体的连锁反应,此刻只想软绵绵栽在沙发里,哪里都不要去,下午出门时,坐在出驱车里环绕在三环上,心里还在想着,这个城市是讨厌我吧!就跟闹鬼的房子会让人身心俱损一样……这……

之后作为沙发土豆就与另外一枚宅土豆聊起了幸福的居家生活,阿,我要回到湿润之都去,好好活,做豆浆做红枣桂圆汤出门走路买菜写字喝茶画图,不过其实啊,一天是多么地短暂,我们这些人尽管不用赶地铁去上班什么的,也不用在黑森森的深秋傍晚挤在高峰人群里喊那些喊也喊不到的插头,但是,一天也依然好短啊,写会字,出门买个菜,做个饭,人懒散一下,看个书,看个美剧,就过去了,不宅之人真是不能理解为什么宅人每天看似无所事事,其实时间很紧很紧………

另外写到这儿很想能够@一下谁就好了


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励志人 - []
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多写博客,少写微薄,世界的节奏不应该是那么快的


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旧blog,我发神经病了 - []
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我发神经病了,天都亮了,我还在翻看老里八早的blog,看到这篇,我终于笑了!

 

八个没有脚的人 - []

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过了零点,照习惯打了个电话给flowing,她妈妈又要骂我了
铃响了一记,f接电话,感慨了她居然要去长风公园划船
然后f说:我在看个田径比赛,天哪,居然有个没有脚的
bosnia说:啊,没有脚的怎么跑步
f:装了个假脚
b:你看的是不是残疾人运动会啊
f:不是的呀,就一个没有脚的,其他的都是有脚的
b:妈的,表跟我讲体育
f:不好,一定要讲,我一定要跟你讲个没有脚的人,啊,他要跑了
b:他跑得快伐
f:很快的,很快的,啊,他是第一名,不是的,是第三名,啊呀呀,倒数第一名了,个么不是的,是倒数第三名。
b:他到底第几名!
f:他是倒数第三,个么居然还有两个有脚的人跑得比他慢。不对不对,发奖了,他是第二名!
b:。。。。。。。。。。。你到底长不长眼睛啊,到底第几名?
f:个么我发现原来所有的人都是没有脚的!八个都没有脚!
b:。。。。。。。。。。。。
f:原来真的是个残疾人运动会
b:猪头!

过了十分钟,我的电话铃可怕地响了起来
f:我又看了一个比赛,这次所有的人都有脚的,也有手的
b:。。。。。。。。。。。
f:个么最后解说说所有的人都是智障


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小说 - []
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我有很久没有坐在电脑前,打字,打着打着,打到天亮了,原来整个晚上,窗外面的桥上都有人在走路,骑车,路灯一直都亮着,我一会儿就到窗口站一下,对过中远两弯城彻夜都有零星的窗户亮着灯,大部分的时间都在微博,其实刷新刷得自己都快要吐了,但是在那边打下的字都是很快就要忘记的,这会儿我想起好久好久以前,sw在采访时,看到打开的电脑页面是小女超人瞌睡永不醒,后来sw说这事说了很久的,那时候的blog是一种小小的支柱吧,多小多小的那种,后来blogcn常常打不开了,就换到这儿,写下的字都是很哀怨很哀怨的,哀怨的结果是顺便写下很多哀怨到朋友们都不敢看的小说,也写下了那个居然有很多人觉得有共鸣的关于一个人住的文章,再后来,我回到上海了,重新住回到了河的旁边,地板上铺了三四年前买的地毯,刚刚把冰箱里最后五个水饺下掉了,明天就是国庆节了,没错,空气里所有的味道,都在提醒着我,所以的记忆都没有失去,国庆节照例是要交通管制的,而桂花每个秋天都会开一开的,但是我终于也有了一些后悔的事情,这儿荒废很久了,我希望少点人会再来看这里,因为我看起来,竟然持久地变成了一个纠结人,真的很持久,我的太阳星座,月亮星座和上升星座,终于碰撞出了痛苦的火花,所以写写字吧,平静这件事情,不可能再长久地存在,但是在短暂的时刻里,会发生的

依然头很大脚很小啊,心里呢,依然充满无法表达无法分辨的爱啊,在这个晚上就那么那么地明显

没错,我又在写长篇了,这段时间我寝食难安地抵御着焦虑,然后终于开始了,我想她会是好的,很好的,因为我想所有的迷惘都会被新的迷惘所取代

 


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有一天,在火车站 - []
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画到这个程度再也画不动的画,画铁轨的时候心里一直在骂人,但是画图比起写字来还是有好处的,就是与语言系统用的大脑仿佛是两半,所以画的时候,可以想很多其他事情,也可以与人说话聊天,听音乐都毫无影响,这样说来,接下来的这半个月开始,都要关起门来闷头写字了。


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